On the cusp

We dug foxholes until the blisters on our hands were no longer blisters
Our faces saturated with crude bitter earth
And blood
In record time our tombs complete
We stood above for a spell of eternity to admire the craftsmanship
I devoured the view with my eyes as I slowly fisted my sharred hands wringing with earth and blood
The smell of the coming storm swirled with the gusts of wind stealing my own breath momentarily
At that moment of swooping determination and accomplishment
I was one
I was of the earth
(Yet not in it)
I was the fucking center
Launching my steadfast gaze onto the expansive bruise colored distance
that wanted my defeat as a trophy
Not today.no.not today.
And with a nod to the universe I lifted my feet from the cusp of certainty and surrendered my days to the warm arms of Gaia.
And the mortars of our enemies rang home all night
Lullabies for the ages
We writhed in our pits pulling the cold from the dirt as our bodies sunk to the core
Your face asking for how long
And my voice echoing the uncertainty
But somehow reassuring you
Not long....

Sick All Summer

It's Dreary
Hot
Uncomfortable
Been sick all summer
Been sick all day.
This Vessel a shell
breaking down
Slower now.
It's silence and golden
Been Sick all summer

End on End

If you thought that I didn't have a plan
then you never knew me at all
If you thought I was robbed of the ability to foreshadow
Then you highly underestimated me
If you thought that I didn't have a plan
then I don't know what you were thinking.


All this time.

Somewhere in these cryptic scriptures...

I have held my breath underwater
like everyone has I suppose
to see how long
you can hold your breath underwater
I have always been pretty good at it
but to me
the moment before you give
the moment you realize
you cannot take anymore
that your life at that very moment cannot function
without breath
that very last second that is laced with panic and determination
is so much more precious to me
than the first gasp you savor
after being underwater
this is me realizing
I need that air
I have gone without
and settled for muddled senses
long enough
I want to gasp
but for too long have loved the suspended silence
of holding my breath
Breath with me...

You must know one thing....

Pining for those that hurt you the most
longing for those that cut you the worst
missing the ones that hit you the hardest
giving your heart to those that are heartless
does not sound healthy
actions that could make one sick
but reading the words on the page
rather than seeing them play out
sounds exactly like what I am doing as well
FUCK.


And I wish it was as easy as it seems
to turn and cut
but my feet are like quicksand
my heart is sullen
and my drive for who I was is nonexistent
truthfully my core shakes at the reality that is
I could not define love with a pistol in my mouth
it has eluded me
my core has eroded to desolate
my charm has housed the hue of patina copper
"and I cant find my way home..."

Give it to those who really love you

Give it to those who really love you
What sets you alive
Fires set off and burned for purpose
Touches full and static-like
Only for those who hold you high
They outnumber those you think you love more
Pry your eyes open and they are still standing there
Behind the ones you wished were genuine
Give it to those who really love you
Wasting it on those who do not
Bleeds you dry till death

it's so cold in this house

"open mouth swallowing us..."
as it always has been I suppose...after it is said and done.All thats left is cold.
Stripped bare and left needling away at past possibilities.
With fingers that are chilled to the marrow.
I could not even point you the way home if you were standing next to me.
I do not know the road
I do not know the way
I just know it is cold
bare
familiar yet faint
no comfort
"and I can't find my way home"
because this is not home

Presence

Forging ahead....
I wear the sun's impressions in my face
like walking into an inferno
and walking right out of it
I always walk out of it
burnt and scarred and coursed
but I LOVE it
it is what I am best at
this summer's sun beat down and burnt my walls
and now to forge ahead in muddy bloody footprints
from the voyages of season past
my hand in my quiver with one arrow left to soar
searching for my trajectory
Forging ahead into Autumn

Warming by the fires

"of bridges burned..."

spill

To run to race this garbled maze this show of hands full of plenty and nothing at the same time and putting on airs pretending to be what we thought we would be what we always wanted but knowing there was always a door not opened.A door that was ignored like nothing to see here and I knew one day eventually it would open and I would walk through and see a whole new light like looking through the looking glass.everything that was in the dark comes out and I remember ignoring and shoving those truths down hoping they would never rear their head and now is the time of rearing and I am paying for my ignorance with a blissfull smile.