a few hours after this......

"The look before I go is the look for you
you only have to look and it will all come true..."

All mine and forever
Thats all I wanted when I was 16
My year of reckoning
and wrecking(!)
my first taste of lust
and allurement
made me crazy
made me lie in bed on sunday nights before school the next day
content
that I would see my love
love love love
it's who you know
but I grew older and my heart cracked and clogged
and love stopped beating in it
and it wasn't replaced by anything
it's just not there I don't think
and I don't have the want to analyze why
I am thankful to have those memories of high school attraction
to fall back on
in these barren times

"...and we can fall outside
into the fizzy night
or pull me down in here
you know it's all the same
I only want to see if you were happy again
or we can roll around
and find out upside down

a few hours after this and we're apart again
like two white checks and others who pose in a secret game
nothing like these I suppose
I really should have known by the cut of your smile
that the answer would be simple
it still took you a while
to get it out of me
I thought you'd do it easily...."

It's weird to come to terms with the fact that I don't want the same things
as I did so long ago
and I do not feel like I am missing out

but brief moments when my eyes have caught another
were spectacular
had they been any longer than a candle flicker
they would not have meant so much
this has happened through the years
and I have hope that maybe I can feel that again
thats all thats necessary
the thrill of the pursuit
those "secret games"
a glance in a room
at a party
a smile
and I am content

The Cure B-sides saved my young life.....