Envelopes

Today.
I was told that Gavin will be moving this weekend.
A lot Sooner than expected.
I am struggling to not be crushed.
To be strong for my little man(don't call him little man....)
But I did cry.
And Gavin said...
"Daddy will you send me envelopes?"
"Like we can have fun?"
I couldn't help but cry some more
And then I put back on my brave face
To face the world
This duality is wearing thin
Finally.
If I did not know how to collapse
I don't know what I would do
How did it come to this
After all the light I try to bring
After all the cautiousness
I am still left feeling like a shell
A reminder of who I could have been
And all who I have let down
I wonder how long hope can stick around
Before it starts to feel more like dispair
Feels like hope is at 11:59........

This is never what I wanted
but it's always what I get....