I find it kinda funny and I find it kinda sad

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday,Happy birthday
and I feel the way that every child should
sit and listen,sit and listen......

Today Gavin turned Five
Five years old
my little man
he hates being called a little man though
he thinks it means dwarf
and that always makes me laugh

The birthday party
he was the only one there I was related to
and the only one I could relate to
so surreal
seeing his other side of the family
their support is a relief
they might not be happy with me but they love my son
thats all that matters

Now then
I forgot how it felt to be disposable
that is what I am
to be replaced by the whole world by another
person or idea or trainwreck
its lonely everywhere
thats the problem....

I dont know how to feel
I ALWAYS know how to feel
but now....
I dont......

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
the dreams in which I'm dying
are the best I ever had.....


Happy birthday my baby boy.......Happy birthday