Sick All Summer

It's Dreary
Hot
Uncomfortable
Been sick all summer
Been sick all day.
This Vessel a shell
breaking down
Slower now.
It's silence and golden
Been Sick all summer

End on End

If you thought that I didn't have a plan
then you never knew me at all
If you thought I was robbed of the ability to foreshadow
Then you highly underestimated me
If you thought that I didn't have a plan
then I don't know what you were thinking.


All this time.

Somewhere in these cryptic scriptures...

I have held my breath underwater
like everyone has I suppose
to see how long
you can hold your breath underwater
I have always been pretty good at it
but to me
the moment before you give
the moment you realize
you cannot take anymore
that your life at that very moment cannot function
without breath
that very last second that is laced with panic and determination
is so much more precious to me
than the first gasp you savor
after being underwater
this is me realizing
I need that air
I have gone without
and settled for muddled senses
long enough
I want to gasp
but for too long have loved the suspended silence
of holding my breath
Breath with me...

You must know one thing....

Pining for those that hurt you the most
longing for those that cut you the worst
missing the ones that hit you the hardest
giving your heart to those that are heartless
does not sound healthy
actions that could make one sick
but reading the words on the page
rather than seeing them play out
sounds exactly like what I am doing as well
FUCK.


And I wish it was as easy as it seems
to turn and cut
but my feet are like quicksand
my heart is sullen
and my drive for who I was is nonexistent
truthfully my core shakes at the reality that is
I could not define love with a pistol in my mouth
it has eluded me
my core has eroded to desolate
my charm has housed the hue of patina copper
"and I cant find my way home..."