Thursday, April 24, 2008

Like I'm on fire......

I just want to stay intertwined
with her
in my arms
It's all I need
It makes me burn
I don't know where this came from
I just want it to stay
and all my effort is put forth
every step calculated as to not trip
It burns in me
even when I am away
it is almost as if
I never burned this way before
but all ways I want to burn....
it only feels hotter this time
and feels like forever
because it has been
I don't want this to be too good.
but it is
its very good

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

At this moment you should be with us....

"feeling like we do
but never will again...."

I can only guess what is inside this time bomb of tick tock accuracy
and I can only guess what I will wake up to
or if I will wake up at all
but what I know for certain is this

I like this
this now
this time
this unknowing
I have a french kissed red love affair
with the unknown as you might have noticed
an empty bedded attraction for the metaphysical
and attraction is a part of that unknown
I can not say if it exists
but I am certain it does

and from today on
I want it to always be this way
it never seems to stay frozen though
but I want to throw myself down
that fiery pit of unknown
if I float I am in love
and if I sink...
its just as well

but I want the opportunity to find out
and throw myself on the mercy of Ixtab
solidifying my love for many kalpas
lets just stay
just like this
in my experience it tends to get
grey and rocky
and brutal
so if we could pause our breath
and take this in
until I know no shadows
nor can recall no drownings of the past
and I stand at this threshold willing to
give up all paths unmarked
out out damn spot
as this new day approaches
In order to show my dedication to this ceremony
I am prepared to abandon for you
pull back these layers like blankets
and slumber comfortably next to you
whatever it takes
deja hacen esto

Monday, April 14, 2008

only once my head was clear.....

"did I feel safe dying right here."

and a void resides now inside me
and I cannot fill it with scripts of any sort
this road that lies dusty in front of me
not a road at all
no path
but there is silence
the disturbing kind
and behind the door of my room
I cry to no one
no one likes emotion anymore
I guess it's not cool
it never was
I never was
and I just realized
how far away my son is
and how easily it is for me to drift further

" I feel almost human,numb....."

but I want you to know that I am holding on...
I am holding on
for the simple reason of vanity
this planet without me seems like a boring place to breathe

I just wanna get this over with
and feel better
I just want to know what it is like
to be right

"never thought I'd see the day,when everything goes my way.."

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Almost Famous

It's all happening
And I don't want to stop it

Oh your bag of tricks
and casts of pearls

It's all happening
and I don't want to stop it

I've got a pretty blanket
and I wear it well
stopped short of being
what a Dumby felt

When I said start today
I really meant today....

and your casts of pearls
just like your lips
are comfort
simple and familiar
like they should aways be near mine.....

It's all happening
And I am not ready for it to stop....

Tuesday, April 1, 2008


I was told that Gavin will be moving this weekend.
A lot Sooner than expected.
I am struggling to not be crushed.
To be strong for my little man(don't call him little man....)
But I did cry.
And Gavin said...
"Daddy will you send me envelopes?"
"Like we can have fun?"
I couldn't help but cry some more
And then I put back on my brave face
To face the world
This duality is wearing thin
If I did not know how to collapse
I don't know what I would do
How did it come to this
After all the light I try to bring
After all the cautiousness
I am still left feeling like a shell
A reminder of who I could have been
And all who I have let down
I wonder how long hope can stick around
Before it starts to feel more like dispair
Feels like hope is at 11:59........

This is never what I wanted
but it's always what I get....